Thursday, January 6, 2011

mind over matter

if you were a part of our family at the moment, you would be in a weight loss frenzy. Taylor and I had an amazing idea to do a family biggest loser this year. now, we have tried this many years and we have never actually stuck to it. in fact, if my memory serves me right, we have never even gotten so far as to actually put the money into the winner pot. but this year, the 2 phat chicks were super dedicated!!! at first, it was going to be just me, Taylor, our 2 sisters Ally and Lauren, and our mom. we were each going to put in 20 dollars, which made the winning prize be 80 dollars! that was pretty exciting to me, being a poor college student. but after my mom posted something on my facebook wall, one of my cousins saw and wanted to join...lets just say that 15 people later our prize is now $380!!!!!!!!!!! needless to say, everyone is now super motivated and at least personally the only thing on my mind is how i can lose more weight. we are all very excited and cant wait till the first weigh in, to check out all the competition ;] it is going to last 6 months, with our final weigh in being june 14. while i know its a long time, i have full confidence in everyone, and i know that by the end of this everyone will be very happy with the results!
for me, i want to lose weight so badly, but it has never worked out for me. i have slowly lost some weight as the months pass, but nothing big and barely noticeable. but whenever i really try, i can never seem to stick with it, or never seem to see results. so if i wanted to lose weight this time, i had to look deep inside myself and really ask myself why i never could before, and think of a way to change that. as i was walking to the gym i was having an internal conversation, just like i always do haha, and i was thinking about the end results of the competition and thinking about working out. and i thought to myself, i cant really do this, i will never be able to actually lose weight, ill always be that chubby girl who is not confident and self conscious. it was then that i realized why it has never worked for before, i never truly thought i could lose weight. but something like that is really hard to just change in a second. but i knew the only way i could change it was through the help of my Heavenly Father. when i'm not confident, when i look at myself in the mirror and hate the body i see, He is thinking the exact opposite. He loves me no matter what i look like, and he knows everything i can accomplish if actually try. when i look at my body as something i hate, i'm sure He is disappointed. My body is something divine, and given to me by God and when i don't see it like that, i am not achieving my full potential. i have not been taking care of this wonderful gift i have been given, and i need to change that. so in stead of thinking i could never achieve my goals, i started saying a little prayer. it went something like this "Heavenly Father, please, i need your help. i cant do this by myself, and i feel like i never will be able to. i want to love my body and see it as gift from you. please help me to be grateful for everything i can do, and the things i take for advantage, and please let me see my body as the divine thing it is". when i went to the gym and got on the elliptical machine, i looked down at my legs, and saw the way they moved without effort, and thought of the muscles that pulled them. then i looked at my arms and the way they pushed and pulled through the air. and then i thought of all the amazing things bodies do, the way our hearts pump blood through our body, and lungs breath in and out. i felt my body warm as i worked out, and realized how my body was reacting to the work. and i became instantly grateful for this body that can move and take me places, and think, and function so wonderfully, all without my thought. that night as i can home, i looked in the mirror and i loved what i saw. my body didn't change in one night, and while i still saw how much i have to loose, i looked at the beauty of it and was completely happy with my self. now, there is no doubt in my mind that i can do it, i WILL loose weight. i WILL eat healthy. i WILL exercise and get better. it may be a slow process, but i am ready for it. i will no longer treat this body like crap, and will treat it like the gift it really is.