My life lately (but barely, really) according to my instagram pics...

 This girl went back to school at BYU. Miss her! 

Trip to San Fran/Berkeley. I've missed this pretty lady! :) 

Fishermans Warf with the sisters.

For a while i was trying to eat "clean" and so i made my own bread. yum!

new nail polishes. 

backyard dinners/hangouts.

shopping with the sister.

my 24th birthday.

i LOVE eggs. sometimes i try to eat breakfast. 

started crossfit. post workout tomato face. it's HARD!

i got BANGS :) it's been a good, fun change. 

LA County fair with the niece and nephew.

hanging out with this cute girl :)

beach days and beautiful sunsets. 

So I have been eating HORRIBLE lately...like right before this i ate chili cheese fries and a fosters vanilla ice cream cone bad ;) but i am looking forward to setting goals for myself and hopefully finding some motivation again!!

OCTOBER GOALS

1. limit my eating out to once (lets be realistic here;)) twice a week.
2. crossfit atleast 3 times a week. 
3. write my food down every day. (not even calorie counting. just writing down.)
4. use my new bike one time a week. (it's really weird going from a beach cruiser to road bike)
5. start using a calendar to stay organized. phone or paper? that is the question :)

making the commitment...

Being overweight is HARD! You always have negative feelings and thoughts towards yourself..."You aren't beautiful." "You are never going to be at your goal weight." "Don't try that; you're going to make a fool of yourself because of your size." "I don't even know why i have a crush on him, he could never like me." "Shopping sucks, there are never any cute clothes in my size anyways." and MORE! I know it's not good on me emotionally, and i try to change my mind set to more positive things...but that is way easier said then done!

Why is so much of our world based on what you look like? There are so many wonderful women in this world who think they suck because they don't measure up to the worlds standards of "beautiful" or the perfect woman. I fall in to that ugly trap as well...and it is sad because I know inside I am an amazing woman...I make people happy, I'm a good listener, I have a strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I care/love for others, I am good with managing my money (silly, but true), and I think overall I am a strong women with a great personality! But sadly, the world does not seem to care as much about that stuff. You really are judged on your appearance...and let's be honest, I catch myself being the same way with others and myself. I just want to feel comfortable and confident in my own skin. I am sick and tired of being FAT!!!

Sometimes i feel so sad and lonely when i think about being fat my whole life. But you know what Taylor, you can do this! You have made other commitments in your life that have made you a better person...and you can commit to getting healthier! Honestly, when I commit myself to something, I stick with it...I just have to truly make the commitment. It wont be easy...but let's be honest, nothing in life is easy! AND, I know I can get help from my family, friends, weight watchers, online stuff and most importantly my Heavenly Father. I have to include Him in this journey! He knows me best and ultimately just wants me to be happy :)

Taylor, today you are making that commitment!

"You are strong, you are beautiful, you are worth it!"

{words I came up with that I will repeat to myself every day...until I truly believe them.}

I can't wait to see how I progress...because I'm going to :)

xoxo.

(p.s. This was a journal entry I wrote to myself. That's how I want my blog to be...journaling/my thoughta)

after our hiatus that lasted far too long, we are back!! so this post will be from me, and i have a semi exciting story to tell all of you. ill tie into weightloss...a little bit. but come on, dont we all love a good story?! ok actually it wont be that great of a story, but thats ok.
So i go to BYU. if any of you dont know, basketball is a huge deal at our school. it was crazy last year becasue we had Jimmer, so everyone was obsessed. and im not using that word lightly. but this year, people still go crazy. and by crazy i mean that people camped out for 6 days outside the marriot center so they could get front row. we live in utah. its beyond freezing at night. it snowed yesterday. yet people still slept in tents outside probably getting hypothermia just to be close to the players. well those of you who dont know me well, i am not a sports fan. in no shape or form. so i have literally never been to a BYU basketball game. well drumroll please...I WENT TO MY FIRST GAME TONIGHT! it was a blast! the energy was so intense you could feel it coursing through your viens. it was crazy right from the beggining. they turned all the lights down, and showed this video on white cloth that hung all the way down from the center scroe baord thing. everyone was screaming, and i knew it was going to be a good game. our team is amazing people, just amazing. i was screaming and cheering right along side of all the crazy fans, and i felt like a part of them. except when things would happen that i had no clue what was going on, which happened quite often, sadly. but after a very intense game WE WON!!! but to be honest since im not a huge sports fan, the most exciting part was our free t shirt (we played plinko to get some apartments advertisment shirts haha) free pack of gum (also from those people) free yogurt land (my favorite place in the whole world, if BYU scored 80 points yogurt land gave everyone free yogurt) and a free pedometer (gave it to us as we were walking out after we won. oh and this is how im tying this story into weightloss hahahahah!) i love me some free stuff :) so then after the game was over we went to get our free yogurt (which is a little healthier than ice cream, so that kinda ties in too right?? haha), which was of course amazing, im obsessed with yogurtland. it was a great night.




well if you are reading this post, thanks so much for still being a chubby diaries reader! we promise to be better at posting! have a great week :)

So today was "one of those days"! :/ You know the, have yourself a pitty party kind of day?! ughhh. Those days are no fun...and they come out of no where and you can't control the way you feel! I just felt ugly, fat, and like i couldn't accomplish anything. So i went to my Weight Watchers meeting and decided not to weigh-in (which i ALWAYS do no matter what) because i knew that i gained and i would just be more depressed and mad at myself. But i am so glad i went to the meeting...it kinda got me out of the slump (even though i still didn't feel like being happy and fun with my clients the rest of the day haha) and i got a big hug from my amazing leader :) i KNOW that i can accomplish my goals...it is just going to take hard work and dedication and not just my half butt trying i've been doing lately ;)

So i felt like i needed to start my blog up again. It's going to be kinda boring haha. I am going to post pictures and write what i ate each day with the points + and any good finds i find :) I need something to keep me going and give me that push! So...To read it, or not to read it...that is the question! ;)

Today's menu:

(b) Chocolate pure protein bar [5 p+] it's my go to meal now when i am in a rush, but need to eat something. Surprisingly, they are really good and don't have lots of sugar like many protein bars have.

(l) In-N-Out cheeseburger [13], french fry [11], and 2 diet cokes [0] [24 p+] Yea, like i said, it was one of those days and i just needed this! haha. but i am counting it! :) seeing my niece and nephew and sisters brightened my day up.

(d) 4 oz balsamic glazed chicken breast [6], 1/2 C white rice with chicken broth [3], roasted asparagus [0], 3 pear halfs [0] [9 p+] Thank you marmy for a delicious dinner! i came home from a long day at work with this lovely dinner ready to eat.
Total: 38 p+

I just went over by 1 p+...so i have 48 p+ extras left for the week.

And no exercise for the day :( Tomorrow morning i will get something done!!

5 MILES! ...nbd ;)

This morning we woke up at 6:30 to get ready for our fabulous hike at the "Claremont Wilderness Trail". It's a 5 mile hike with about 3 miles of it up hill. We like it because they post .5 mile markers along the way, the trail is wide and kept up nice, there are lots of friendly people walking by so you feel safe, and the nature/birds chirping are so pretty! We definitely had to stop at several points...but we finished in about 2 hours (and that was even with stopping for about 15 minutes at the look out point and stopping for pictures...hello! gotta take those!) As we were walking up the trail we kept getting multiple groups behind us, because of our slow speed ;). So we just gladly let them pass: 1, because we hate having people behind us and 2, they would have such loud conversations we couldn't hear the pretty background sound of nature. Isn't that the best part of hiking?! Overall it was a great hike and we felt so amazing in the end...with our super sore legs and all!

We are hoping to make this a weekly tradition ((well, atleast while Jonni is home for the summer!))

Here are some pictures for your enjoyment! We also took 2 videos to show our lovely phat chick lovers...but we can't get them to upload! boohoo. So we will post them later if we figure it out :)

Overview of the trail...

Near the end...

at THIS beautiful spot...
the pictures don't do it justice...

look out point...

i'm a strong/powerful lady! haha...

woo hoo! we made it...
at about 1.5 miles...

YELLOW flowers...jonni's fav!...

starting up the hill...we be excited!
Now let us leave you with some inspirational lyrics from Miley! ;) They seem to fit in perfectly with our hiking theme. haha.

"There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb"

I wish i had a creative title :)

...but i don't! and i honestly don't even really have anything to say. BUT i did just happen to go back and look at one of our very first posts with our "before" pictures....and WOW! i feel like i haven't lost very much and changed, but looking at those pictures makes me realize that i have, indeed :) yay...slow and steady does win the race. i can't wait to do another photo shoot with miss J in a few months and compare the 2!

Anyways, i know that we totally neglect this blog...and i am not going to promise that i will start posting faithfully anytime soon :) but a girl can try! i have been trying to make healthier food choices because, heck, i want to win that $300 for our Biggest Loser competition! but it is soooo hard! does anyone have any favorite healthy recipes they would like to share with me?! maybe i will try one of them and take pictures and make a post about it. OH! and i use to always say that i hated fish, but i was brave and gave it another shot and surprisingly i really enjoy it! it has become a staple meal in the clark household.

ok, this is a very scattered post. hope you are all doing well!! maaaaybe you will be lucky and see me back here this week :) but don't hold your breathe (you may just die haha)

ta ta...TAY!

mind over matter

if you were a part of our family at the moment, you would be in a weight loss frenzy. Taylor and I had an amazing idea to do a family biggest loser this year. now, we have tried this many years and we have never actually stuck to it. in fact, if my memory serves me right, we have never even gotten so far as to actually put the money into the winner pot. but this year, the 2 phat chicks were super dedicated!!! at first, it was going to be just me, Taylor, our 2 sisters Ally and Lauren, and our mom. we were each going to put in 20 dollars, which made the winning prize be 80 dollars! that was pretty exciting to me, being a poor college student. but after my mom posted something on my facebook wall, one of my cousins saw and wanted to join...lets just say that 15 people later our prize is now $380!!!!!!!!!!! needless to say, everyone is now super motivated and at least personally the only thing on my mind is how i can lose more weight. we are all very excited and cant wait till the first weigh in, to check out all the competition ;] it is going to last 6 months, with our final weigh in being june 14. while i know its a long time, i have full confidence in everyone, and i know that by the end of this everyone will be very happy with the results!

for me, i want to lose weight so badly, but it has never worked out for me. i have slowly lost some weight as the months pass, but nothing big and barely noticeable. but whenever i really try, i can never seem to stick with it, or never seem to see results. so if i wanted to lose weight this time, i had to look deep inside myself and really ask myself why i never could before, and think of a way to change that. as i was walking to the gym i was having an internal conversation, just like i always do haha, and i was thinking about the end results of the competition and thinking about working out. and i thought to myself, i cant really do this, i will never be able to actually lose weight, ill always be that chubby girl who is not confident and self conscious. it was then that i realized why it has never worked for before, i never truly thought i could lose weight. but something like that is really hard to just change in a second. but i knew the only way i could change it was through the help of my Heavenly Father. when i'm not confident, when i look at myself in the mirror and hate the body i see, He is thinking the exact opposite. He loves me no matter what i look like, and he knows everything i can accomplish if actually try. when i look at my body as something i hate, i'm sure He is disappointed. My body is something divine, and given to me by God and when i don't see it like that, i am not achieving my full potential. i have not been taking care of this wonderful gift i have been given, and i need to change that. so in stead of thinking i could never achieve my goals, i started saying a little prayer. it went something like this "Heavenly Father, please, i need your help. i cant do this by myself, and i feel like i never will be able to. i want to love my body and see it as gift from you. please help me to be grateful for everything i can do, and the things i take for advantage, and please let me see my body as the divine thing it is". when i went to the gym and got on the elliptical machine, i looked down at my legs, and saw the way they moved without effort, and thought of the muscles that pulled them. then i looked at my arms and the way they pushed and pulled through the air. and then i thought of all the amazing things bodies do, the way our hearts pump blood through our body, and lungs breath in and out. i felt my body warm as i worked out, and realized how my body was reacting to the work. and i became instantly grateful for this body that can move and take me places, and think, and function so wonderfully, all without my thought. that night as i can home, i looked in the mirror and i loved what i saw. my body didn't change in one night, and while i still saw how much i have to loose, i looked at the beauty of it and was completely happy with my self. now, there is no doubt in my mind that i can do it, i WILL loose weight. i WILL eat healthy. i WILL exercise and get better. it may be a slow process, but i am ready for it. i will no longer treat this body like crap, and will treat it like the gift it really is.